Seattle Widow Resources Blog -
More Helpful Info from
An Ordinary Widow
More Helpful Info from
An Ordinary Widow
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8/21/2023 "Normal" Grief ResponsesWhen you become a widow, it goes without saying that suddenly nothing feels “normal.” The upheaval in your mind and body is indescribable. And unless you know other widows, it’s likely no one has prepared you for the wide range of emotions, thoughts, behaviors, or physical reactions you may be experiencing.
Somewhere along the line, if you attend workshops and classes, or if you read books or online articles about grief, you will run across the phrase, “normal grief.” But what does that mean? The truth is, not even those who have studied grief for decades can provide us with a complete list of what comprises “normal grief.” In their book, Handbook of Bereavement Theory, Research and Intervention, psychiatrists Stephen R. Shuchter and Sidney Zisook pointed out the wide variety of responses to grief, writing that “… attempts to limit its scope or demarcate its boundaries by arbitrarily defining normal grief are bound to fail.” Bearing in mind that “normal grief” cannot truly be defined, psychologists and psychiatrists seem to be in general agreement that there are many responses to grief that widows may experience, some of which are listed below.*
What an overwhelming list of possible responses to grief! Maybe some will apply to you, maybe some won’t, but it might be comforting to know that what is happening to you has also happened to many other widows. Obviously, this list is not exhaustive and does not even explore the important issue of grief’s far-ranging effects on the immune system. However, I hope that even this partial list of responses and reactions will be helpful to you if you are a new widow. What about a time frame for these responses? These days the experts are increasingly reluctant to provide a time frame for how long a widow might experience what they term “normal grief.” (According to psychiatrists Schucter and Zisook, it wasn’t all that long ago when it was believed grieving should take mere weeks or months.) If you have any concerns about the severity of the grief reactions you are experiencing or how they are affecting your ability to function, a licensed therapist can help you. You can also contact the Community Information Resource Line at 866.427.4747 (provided by Seattle-based Crisis Connections), call 988 for the national network of 24-hour crisis centers, or visit 988Lifeline.org. Sources: Stephen R. Schucter and Sidney Zisook, “The Course of Normal Grief.” In Handbook of Bereavement: Theory, Research and Intervention, edited by Margaret S. Stroebe, Wolfgang Stroebe, Robert O. Hansson. (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1997), 23-24 *Previously published in my book, Grief Country. Copyright ©2023 S. Larkin 8/21/2023 Why Add a Blog?I created SeattleWidowResources.com because when I found myself widowed in the Emerald City, I didn’t know where to turn for local resources and information. How do I find nearby grief support groups? What do I do with my husband’s unused meds? What documents do I need to find ASAP? The last thing I wanted to do during early grief was to spend time searching the internet and bouncing from website to website to find what I needed. It was obvious there was a wealth of information “out there” on various websites, but I wished more of it could be found in one place—and be locally focused.
In the three years since I created the website, the feedback I’ve received from those who have consulted it has been positive. However, it is still a “work in progress” as I continue to work towards my goal of providing easily accessible, free information to local widows. This new blog is another step toward that goal. Many posts will be based on what I have learned about grief theories and grief research since my own widowhood journey began in 2012. (I cite the research of academics whenever possible.) Some posts will be excerpts from books I’ve written. Other posts will highlight local resources and discuss aspects of navigating widowhood that are specific to Washington state. It will also contain information that simply doesn’t fit into the format of the current website pages. I hope this blog will be helpful to my fellow Ordinary Widows who have found themselves widowed in Seattle. Copyright ©2023 S. Larkin |
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